3.31.2016

              The time is now 8:39 pm its March 31, a Thursday. The light in my room no longer lights. Which causes this overwhelming anxiety that fills me from within to become easier to process. My heart feels as though it’s fallen down a well. One so deep that once it’s reached the bottom, there’s no evidence of its echo. An empty feeling filled with every and all emotions one could ever possibly feel. One I’m realizing now, known to be of love. In the time that has elapsed. Easily has the words “I love you” rolled off the tongue. But never did I imagine this feeling to have developed so quick and deeply, as it has. My love is one that aches yearning for your warm embrace. One whose base foundation makes up our friendship. I’ve never felt my words more than I do now. Just as I’m sure those from previous decades who have come and go in search there of. Some loved, loving or some who have obtained something in between. I now share apart of the few who can say they’ve loved. Regardless of the reciprocation of this feeling, my feelings both remain and ring true to you, just as the lyrics to every love song I’ve ever heard. With every beat, measure and break of these sounds that ring so loudly in my head. Is there a tear shed in resonating feeling. The depths of my heart reach so far down I feel the butterflies amongst the pit of my stomach, aware of the velocity of my feeling and the lack there of yours, unmatched. My desires capped by patience and faith in Gods plan of what will be. So easily I assumed I was ready to make an effort to walk away hindered by the attachment and true sadness of my now hardened heart. For the first time I’m unable to walk away, unable to convince myself that pros will weigh out cons, so I stayed this time a bit longer than the last. The glance from your face two days past in the bus has burned imprinted in my mind. That day I considered leaving and never looking back but burdened was I with what I risked to leave behind. So just as before I called, and you answered. This time, the distance bringing us closer than ever as we laughed and hugged curb side. Still this feeling unfamiliar to me, connected us, creating a bond. It was indeed that day I had finally learned what it meant to not be able to walk away, to fight. So for the first time, I fought. A fight you were unaware I had with myself. One which caused me to fight back the tears, stop my feet in its tracks, stop my head from deciding what my heart had told me I needed. I fought.

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