I hate myself, who I’ve become as a person. Literally! I loathe ever fiber of my being, I’m angry. Misplaced anger, I believe that’s what they call it anyway. I don’t know why I’ve done what I did. Who am I? What do I want to be? But what I do know, is how to combat these characteristics, habits and things about myself I dislike. That’s what bothers me the most. That I’ve already gained insight and have already withdrawn the knowledge from my experiences. Enough to have learned how to manipulate the perspectives and opinions of another, but have yet to apply it.
Regardless, all these things I now know have yet to hinder my flashbacks. Like when I think back and how I think of myself as vulnerable. Then again, one would have to be vulnerable to be preyed on. Wouldn’t they? That day I’m not to sure I was too taken advantage of. I mean lets call it what it is. I was weak, numb, looking for an escape out of my own misery. I mean I did too share in the same desire, so then does it count? Is it fair to call it vulnerability ?
Temporary. The one word that describes all of words I’ve typed before that one. All of everything I described, or describe lead to that. Temporariness. Nothing lasting in emotion, action or relation. Leading to my now, loneliness.