December the 7th

I told my first lie to John. I told him I was okay, and I’d said everything. I hadn’t. In all fairness it wasn’t until I gotten home, settled and reflected that I had realized that I’d lie. It was unintentional as it always is when I do. I was still upset with him. Resentful, that this conversation hadn’t happened up until now.

We finally talked. My anxiety deteriorated as the minutes passed by. I was comfortable, I demanded our talk. Though I didn’t plan for it.

His beard, trimmed just as I remembered in the summer. Funny, he’s been growing it out so long, as I had my hair. It was just this weekend I’d made the decision to cut the bullshit out of my life, leading to my now shoulder length hair. His beard also now short.

Coincidence? Maybe or maybe he as I, chose to finally cut out the bullshit. His embrace warm, and cozy. Easily I could’ve fell asleep in his arms. His arms acting as the security and comfort I always hoped I’d find. Secretly, I was unsettled. Even in his presence. This unsettledness turning into resentment.

Once in the quite of my own home, I’d only realize I’d felt. This day. One I secretly wished for, but never thought I’d get. This day was today. Today the 7th of December. Almost 5 months later. We finally talked.

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