Somebody that I used to “know”
Looking back to my series of pieces, I re-read them only to realize all I’ve done is analyze and observe from a distance. Up until “Stone Cold”, I was sure I had figured you out. But I hadn’t. Everything as unnatural as preservatives, when it came to my approach in pursuing this friendship. Secretly, I wish I could rewrite history . I’d make us friends first. At times, I find myself wishing July hadn’t happen. And a part of me thinks we would’ve been much better and more beneficial as friends.
As months went on I became less and less like myself. Offering things out of my nature, and making promises of no commitments I knew I would never be able to keep. Finally, I learned how to settle in silence, for that’s all you ever gave me, unless I asked. Lets not forget, that even in silence there’s sounds. This silence in your sound, is silence I listened to and for. The silence you didn’t speak, telling me everything you wanted me to know.
All these series of pieces were in effort to figure you out, to know and understand who you are. I have to be honest and say even with all my questions of inquiry and assessments, I’m still not sure I know you. I don’t think we genuinely were given an opportunity to know each-other. Now I ask myself: How is one suppose to mourn the loss of someone they didn’t know? That said, I believe these things unfolded in the manner they were intended to. I wasn’t suppose to know you.