Setting the record straight

Back from break, already I’ve encountered the awkwardness I’d earlier anticipated.  Immediately,  my own words were read through my own monologue in my head. No actual words escaping my mouth, as screams from my inside contributed to the throbbing of my migraine.

It wasn’t until later, the week before last, that I’d been approached and confronted. Indirectly through you. Your own words repeated, but none of which I can truly confirm have left your own mouth. Passing through your lips translating and reflecting what was explained to be your own pain. One which now, I’ve learned I’d inflicted.

It’s interesting to me that all of which this has become, became all in cause of one individuals lack of communication. Communication he’d deemed unnecessary and unwarranted to me and to others who have too crossed paths with him.

Her hurt unimaginably unfathomable to me not so much so that I am unsympathetic,  as I had expressed to her, I am more-so  confused. For any and all of anything I’d said in her absence was spoken to her directly.  I find it comical that she  believes I’ve shot the first round of fire, when indeed she had. Acting as though we’d not shared a friendship, one I’d believe but simultaneously known hadn’t been genuine.

In objectively contemplating on all which has taken place. I realized that she couldn’t have possibly seen I’d been genuine. How can one do so, when all they’d reciprocated had been disingenuous?

Presumably according to your actions, one can fairly assume you had mistaken me for gullible. Thinking just because I hadn’t called you out to account for your actions in-time, that you’d pulled the wool over my eyes. Ironically, though while in great effort and attempt to do so, you’d been convinced that I had been motivated with such said same intent. At least that’s what I recall you had mentioned he’d said.

In the absence of his presence, she’d giggled and laughed with me like a little school girl. Free willed and unfiltered, even then, I’d felt she hadn’t truly been fully comfortable. Maybe because we’d shared similar experiences, ones in my opinion she had yet to forego, she didn’t feel she can let her guard down. Which I found odd, being I hadn’t seeked out the commonalty in our friendship. In fact, it seemed in the course of just two months time, encounters I’d had no idea others had shared, too had been piling on my lap. All whilst I sat and absorbed most of it. Piecing what I’d known to be fact from that of what I accepted to be distorted truths.

All these things I’d never told him but he must of figured I was unaware of. All I refrained from telling him, because she as well as others had trusted in me, leaving me burdened with their confidence. Though as you read in the piece before last ” Stone Cold”, that’s where we differed.  She, he,  they  and I. 

 

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