June 24th, 16′
I haven’t figured out who you are just yet. The date today is 6.24.2016. It’s 8:13 am. I’m in my living room soaking in what was our past relationship. I really have to say, I’ve never felt lower in my life. As I sit and listen to Adele’s -All I ask song. I’m not sure if everything I’ve ever told you was more than a feeling representative of the time. Meaning, I’m uncertain if I still feel these feelings today, right now. You’ve taught me so much.
I had to be hurt a lot to learn because sometimes the most profound wisdom happens with the aide of a lesson in love.
I don’t know what I thought this would be but one thing is for sure, I was not prepared at all for what it became. We went from a beneficially functioning relationship, filled with intellectual conversation in personal growth to I don’t even know what. It’s crazy how much I thought you were predictable or that I had known you. I’ll tell you that last stunt you pulled, sure shocked me. Although we weren’t on the best of terms, that was cold. I was hurt. I mean even though it was I who had imposed a break-up, I too hurt just as much as you.
All I wanted was be appreciated; even if that meant just giving and not receiving. Just as Adele’s -All I ask, all I’d asked was for your honesty and that’d you spare me some of your free time but you selfishly were unwilling to warrant me even just that. With all I did to convenience and service you in your life, I’d thought maybe I was worth at least a minute or two a day. A phone call or text where I wasn’t burdened with what you’d explained I’d done to ‘ disrupt and disturb’ your aura.
Through the course of our relationship you remained as you always are, with no conscious in your mind or barring on your heart. But that’s okay, for I had accepted that you’d been that way, so how unjust would I then be to use that against you?
As months went on and our relationship unraveled all my subconscious thoughts had become reality. Surfacing truths I had to now address, ones such as your choice to distance from me and make room for others in your life. Unknowingly to you, you had relived me of the massive stress I’d carried being with you.
Today is now the 31st of March, marking what would’ve been our first year’s anniversary. Thankfully, it didn’t take me too long to realize who you truly are and that we’d not been compatible. I got no break from you in my head, your voice echoing all my biggest insecurities.
Luckily, getting over you didn’t take long, being you were out of sight, it didn’t take much for you to be vanished out of my mind. Somehow though, you justified in your head a need to plot yourself in front of me and make me uncomfortable with your overbearing presence in school. Reminding me everyday of all the reasons why I disliked myself , taking me back to all our phone calls and text messages.
At the time, I naively was blind to both the mental and verbal abuse I quietly endured from you. Gullibly thinking you were ever so kind to take time and tell me how to fix myself. Later, only did I realize this very tactic just exposed you to be the one who needed necessary fixing.
Now, I observe from a distance as you attempt to find others just like me. Just as I was last March. Vulnerable, innocent and with my purity in-tact. You, the same, unchanged and undermining these chaste women’s commitment to faith. Unshaken, unlike mine was that one night in March when I had chosen to roll around in bed with the devil. I, now changed, grown and moved on hoping that everyone is stronger than me. For I just as Eve, tempted by the devils apple tree.