In a world where my sympathy amounts to nothing and apologizes roll off my tongue as “I love you” from a pair of newlyweds. A couple whom only utter, mumble and softly speak these three words as though always applicable. I’m not sure it’s too odd your questioned meaningfulness or genuineness of my intentions are invalid or arguable.
I’m just now realizing that of which I crave, I unnoticeably envied.
Every game you play, reminiscent of a taunting tease. Once which undoubtedly fucked with my head, and strained my heart. Making me inadvertently assign you as my very own master puppeteer. One whose strings you pulled, often tangled from all the attached lines. These lines, causing my head and heart to act on separate actions and occasions I felt I never had control over.
They’re tricky you know, habits.
They come, but hardly ever go. Always over staying their visit. First, beginning as patterns, we think we can control. As though one simple decision to stop these patterns and everyday rituals we’ve now embedded in our minds, lives and daily activities is a feasible option.
As I stood there the water began to freeze. Seconds later, once I had moved the lever of my shower to the right towards the cold, it hit me like a thousand knifes. I couldn’t move, or actually I could’ve but I chose not to.
I chose to allow myself to suffer for hadn’t I deserved it ?
I look at people who surround me. Easily and with much convictions and certainty I know who they are? But who am I?
Sometimes all we are is a coincidence of our circumstances.